Baka Hakusho
by Lazy Kitsune
Summary: This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means “Idiot Report”.)
1. Yusuke Dies

**Baka Hakusho  
****By Lazy Kitsune**

**Summary:** This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means "Idiot Report".)

**A/N:** This is based on the manga, and basically a parody of Yu Yu Hakusho, which I do not own. Hey, an A/N and a disclaimer in one! O.o

**---------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 1 – Yusuke Dies**

Can you see that little figure floating in the sky? That is the figure of the hero of our story, Yusuke Urameshi, which is very strange considering the fact that he shoplifts, beats up people defenseless or not, is a pervert, and has no life whatsoever. (AHEM) Moving on, there is something going on below him, which is actually an ambulance trying to figure out how a boy from Sarayashiki Junior High School could possibly have died in the middle of a freeway lane.

"How could a boy from Sarayashiki Junior High School could possibly have died in the middle of a freeway lane?" asked the puzzled doctor.

Exactly. Yusuke, who heard the question, raised his hand eagerly.

"Ooh! I know, I know!! Pick me, teacher, pick me!!" he called ecstatically. Then he withdrew his hand. "Wait, I'm not Keiko. And I'm not dead!!" He floats down to the commotion and tries to attack the doctor. "Dammit, I'm still alive!!" Unfortunately, he is a ghost right now and his blows just went right through the guy. "#$#$!!!" (**A/N:** Heheh, this _is_ a PG story after all.)

The doctor looks at the little kid crying near the body. Then he waves to the crowd. "He's okay!! The little boy's okay!!" The crowd cheers. "But he's got a few scratches..." The cheering stopped. People are shaking their heads at the doctor.

"What kind of doctor are you?!" a random woman asks.

"......"

"What are you waiting for? Get 'im to a hospital!!" some random guy shouts.

Everyone makes a big deal about getting the little kid into the hospital as Yusuke's dead body remains lying on the street, completely forgotten for the moment. The ghost Yusuke studies his old body.

"Ew, is that how my hair really looks like from the side?" he wondered out loud.

Several hours later, the medical team comes back to the street where Yusuke's dead body is still lying on the freeway ground. It looks even more terrible because of the fact no one bothered to put those yellow tape thingies so the place would be off-limits to cars. Yusuke realizes that his hair really looks like that just as he hears the ambulance sirens again.

"This guy's a goner I think," said the doctor. "Let's take him in anyways to find out how he died."

So they took Yusuke's body away to the hospital, leaving his ghost floating above where his body once was. Ten minutes later, a blue haired girl in a pink kimono riding an oar appeared.

"Hi, I'm Botan, and I'll be your tour guide to your all-expenses paid trip to the Spirit World!" she said happily.

"Um, ain't I supposed to reminiscence about how my life lead to this?" Yusuke asked her.

Botan looked through her script. "...Oh, that's right, I don't come in until later. Sorry! Just pretend I was never here!" She flies away, leaving Yusuke to reminiscence about how his life had lead to this predicament.

**---------------------------------------------**

**A/N:** And so this chapter ends. Next chapter: How Yusuke's Life Lead to His Death. You don't wanna miss it! And don't forget to review!!


	2. How Yusuke's Life Lead to His Death

**Baka Hakusho  
****By Lazy Kitsune**

**Summary:** This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means "Idiot Report".)

**A/N:** Hello all you beautiful people! Welcome to the second chapter of _"Baka Hakusho."_ This one's gonna be a long one...Anyways, thank you for reviewing! I know the first chapter was kinda slow, but I promise it'll get better! Thank yous are at the end of the chapter. Now, please enjoy!

**---------------------------------------------**

**Chapter 2 – How Yusuke's Life Lead to His Death**

Yusuke stroke his chin. "Okay, let's see...where have I been in the last 24 hours...?" He thinks for a while and snaps his fingers. "I remember! Keiko was yelling at me for smoking on the rooftop..."

– _**Flashback –**_

"Why are you smoking on the rooftop?!" Keiko shrieked.

– _**End of Flashback –**_

"...and she was telling me how stupid I was for smoking..."

– _**Flashback –**_

"You're so stupid for smoking!"

– _**End of Flashback –**_

"...and then she told me to Takenaka's room!"

– _**Flashback –**_

"Yusuke, go to Mr. Takenaka's room now!"

– _**End of Flashback –**_

"Hmm...I wondered what happened next...?" Yusuke wondered. "Oh yeah...and then I met those two guys..."

– _**Flashback –**_

Yusuke was walking away from Keiko when he overheard two guys saying they used his name to get away from some other punks.

"...like yeah, and dude, he like totally freaked out when I said I was Urameshi's cousin and, like, he dropped his wallet!" one guy said in a surfer voice.

"Dude, like, no way!" another surfer voice exclaimed.

"Like, way!"

"Totally awesome dude!"

"Like, yeah, and he had, like, all this money in it!"

"Dude, that's like totally sweet!"

"And, like, there was a picture of this one chic, and, like, I sold it to some other punk...for some more money!"

"Dude, that's awesome!"

"Totally!"

Yusuke stared at them for a while before beating the holy crap outta them. He leaves them twitching as he walks off with the wallet full of money they were talking about. "I hate surfer guys," he muttered right before he bumped into Iwamoto, who was also trying to ditch class to smoke a cigarette in his hand. (Why else would he be wandering around in an empty hallway?)

"You're scum," Iwamoto told him.

"Yah..."

"I'm not scared of you, slime."

"Talkin' 'bout me?"

Iwamoto tosses the cigarette he was smoking on the ground and pointed at it. "A cigarette? Why am I not surprised? Urameshi, you're pond scum and don't belong to my school!"

"Shaddup, it's a free country...I think. Anyways, I do what I want."

"Get out."

"I'm already out."

They both look down at their feet and see a line separating them into 2 sides. The word "in" was printed on Iwamoto's side and the word "out" on Yusuke's side.

"..."

Iwamoto glared at Yusuke one last time before turning around and walking back to class. Yusuke stuck his tongue out at Iwamoto, picked up the burning cigarette the teacher threw, and walked off smoking it. Suddenly, something big and scary whacked him on the head.

"&)#$!!!" Yusuke turned around. "Oh, Takenaka." (See? Told you it was something big and scary!)

"That's _Great Teacher_ Takenaka to you!" the teacher snapped.

"..."

"Okay, 'Mister' works okay. Why are you smoking on school grounds?"

"I'm outside school grounds."

Takenaka looked at the side of the line Yusuke was on, which said "outside". "Well, I'll be..."

"Senile old fart," Yusuke muttered. "Leave me alone."

"Did you get kicked out by Iwamoto again? Or just trying to ditch?" Takenaka added suspiciously.

"No, I was just taking a stroll around the school," Yusuke replied sarcastically. "Of course I'm trying to ditch! And whaddya mean Iwamoto tried to kick me out 'again'?"

"Okay, tell me your story...in the student guidance room!" Takenaka started dragging Yusuke by the ear. "We'll talk over chestnuts roasting on an open fire and a nice cup of tea."

"I hate chestnuts! Lemme go!"

"Not a chance in he –!" Takenaka turned around and finds he's dragging not Yusuke, but instead a cute lil' Yusuke plushie. "Awww...Wait a minute!"

"Over here," Yusuke said, waving his hand from atop a wall. He jumped down, grabbed the plushie and skipped away.

"You'd actually try to pull this crap on me?!" Takenaka growled. "I'll get you my pretty! And your little plushie too!"

Yusuke ignored Takenaka's comment and walked home, where he found his mom just waking up from a hang over.

"Feeling worse for the wear?" Yusuke asked as he entered. (**A/N:** I don't know what that phrase means, but I think it sounds " Atsuko murmured, rubbing her temples. "Get coffee...and mebbe a coupla aspirins while you're at it, Yusuke...wait, YUSUKE?!" She blinked and rubbed her eyes. "Eh...shouldn't you be at school?"

"No."

"Oh, ok."

_**Severalhours later...**_

"Wait a minute!" Atsuko said. "Tell the truth!"

"Awright, I ditched."

"Always ditchin'...just quit already! School ain't free y'know...had to earn tuition money _myself_ when I was your age...Besides, you're a hopeless case, so you may as well quit."

"Oh, you're _such_ a supportive parent, Mother dear," Yusuke said sarcastically. "Great, another lecture and putdown. My day's complete."

"Don't like it punk? Too bad."

"Whatever," Yusuke told her as he left home. "What a &(#$ing day!! I wanna &)$#ing _kick_ somethin'!!"

As Yusuke takes a nice stroll in town looking for something to kick, **ALL** shops suddenly close. Yusuke sighed. "Now how am I gonna get my daily shoplifting done?"

Suddenly, several guys run out of nowhere and surround him. A big, ugly guy with orange hair that reminds you of Rio from Shaman King or Elvis Presley (**A/N:** Both which I don't own!) walks up to Yusuke. "Urameshi."

"Oh, it's just you," Yusuke said, sighing with relief. "I was afraid it'd be someone bigger and uglier with scarier hair, like Rio from Shaman King or Elvis Presley. Well, see ya around, Kuwabara!" Yusuke waves and walks off.

"Oh, okay, see ya man!" Kuwabara says as he walks off the other way.

"Uh, Kuwabara?" Sawamura said. "Didn't we come here to beat him up?" He pointed at Yusuke.

"Huh? Oh yeah!" Kuwabara now looks angrier and more menacing. _"Nobody_ disses Kuwabara, the toughest punk in Sarayashiki! C'mere, Urameshi! You'll lick the bottoms of _my_ shoes today!!" He rushes to Yusuke and grabs him by the collar.

Yusuke just grinned. "Really? Well, it just so happens I'm in a bad mood today, so I think I'll beat the crap outta you in an attempt to make myself feel better and superior and make you feel even more inferior to me. BANZAI!!!" He then proceeds to beat the holy shi – I mean, _crap_ outta Kuwabara. He started with a several punches, some headbutts, and finished with hitting Kuwabara's face with his butt.

Kuwabara now looks even more uglier and menacing as Yusuke walked off saying, "Thanks, pal, I needed that. I feel _much_ better now."

– _**End of Flashback –**_

"Oh, I remember..." Yusuke said to himself. "People were being meanies to me today, so I went to the freeway to jack someone's car for a joyride...and then...I met that kid..."

– _**Flashback –**_

A ball bounces over to Yusuke's foot. A little boy walked up to him and said pleadingly, "Mister, can I get my ball back?"

Yusuke picked up the ball and waved it in front of the little boy. "You mean this?" The child nodded. "You want your ball back?" The child nodded again. Yusuke waved the ball around and the little boy's head followed it. "Well, get outta here! It ain't safe!! Wanna be pancake or somethin'?!" Yusuke threw the ball at the little kid's head and walked off.

The ball bounced off the kid's head and onto the freeway, where many cars whooshed by. The kid waited until there were no more whooshing cars and went to get his ball. Yusuke turned around and saw the little boy on the empty freeway lane.

"Oh my gawd!! Kid, you're screwed if someone doesn't save you!!" he shouted. Yusuke ran to pick up the kid and take him back to safety. "There you go, out of the danger. You're safe now."

Suddenly, a single car that came outta nowhere sped towards where Yusuke was standing and ran him over, killing him dead.

– _**End of Flashback –**_

"Oh, so that's what happened," Yusuke said. "I got run over a car and died..." He shrugged. "Well, huh, I guess I'm dead." He hums happily to himself for a few minutes before he realizes what he had just said. "OH MY GAWD I'M DEAD?!?!"

"I demand a coffee break!!" a female voice said above him.

Yusuke looked at the blue haired girl on an oar wearing a pink kimono. "..."

Then she noticed him. "Oh, uh, I mean, BINGO! Welcome to the afterlife, Yusuke Urameshi!"

Yusuke stared at her for a moment and then cried out, "OH MY GAWD I REALLY AM DEAD!!!!"

---------------------------------------------

**A/N:** And that's all for today. Next up, "Everyone's Reaction." Here are the thank yous!

sakurasango – Hello! And thank you, my beloved first reviewer!! (tries to hug you, but trips over own stupid feet) Waaah!!

Mitarashi – It's okay, this story is weird. And kinda crazy. Kinda like me... O.o Thanks anyway!

Taia, Mistress of the Corn Muffins – I'm glad you like it! Thank you!

Twilight's shadow – Yay! You think it's funny? (celebrates)

Pen Against Sword – Whee! I love stupid funny too!

**A/N: **Arigato gozaimasu!! (hands out cookies to reviewers)


	3. Everyone's Reaction

**Baka Hakusho**

**By Lazy Kitsune**

**Summary:** This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means "Idiot Report".)

**A/N:** Thanks to all my precious reviewers!! Unfortunately, I've wasted all my energy on this stupid controversial essay in which I procrastinated on for so long that I ended up doing in one night. In other words...I'm even lazier than usual! Please forgive me...if it matters, I'll give out sweets to all who reviewed the previous chapter. This is, uhh...not a bribe. (whistles innocently with shifty eyes)

---------------------------------------------

**Chapter 3 – Everyone's Reaction**

"You caught on quicker than I thought you would," said the blue-haired, pink kimono-clad girl.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Yusuke said, sulking as they floated aimlessly in the sky.

"Uh...nothing."

"Who the hell are you anyways?" Yusuke asked, narrowing his eyes at her.

"I'm Botan, the Grim Reaper."

"Nuh-uh."

"Yup."

"Get outta here."

"It's the truth."

"Yeah right."

"..." Botan pulled out a book. "According to my grade book..."

A picture fell out as she was flipping through the pages. Yusuke picked it up and saw a naked picture of a hobbit (a.k.a. Koenma, but you're not supposed to know that yet) using a sink as a bathtub. "Oh gawd, I've been blinded!!" Yusuke shouted, shielding his eyes as he flung the picture away.

Botan caught it and, blushing furiously, yelled at him, "That wasn't for you to see!!!"

After several hours of shouting, complaining, and, in Yusuke's case, getting whacked on the head by Botan's oar, the two hyperactive..."spiritual" beings finally calmed down enough to get on with the frickin' story.

"Now, where was I?" Botan asked. Her grade book dropped out of nowhere, bonked her on the head, and peacefully landed on the correct page onto her lap. "Oh, now I remember!" she said cheerfully, picking up the book. "Yusuke Urameshi, 14-years-old. Crude and violent..."

"Oh c'mon!" Yusuke whined. "I'm not _that_ violent!" A fly buzzed by his ear. "What was that, you stupid fly?! You wanna fight?! Bring it on!!!" He tries to slap the fly, but, him being a ghost, it was impossible.

"...impatient and reckless..."

"I'm not impatient...but would you just _hurry up already?!"_

"...has sticky fingers...give that back Yusuke..." she said, stretching out her hand. Yusuke pouted and handed back the pocketbook that he had just stolen from her. "...and a stupid brain. Fights, extorts, shoplifts, smokes, drinks, gambles, has a reserved seat in the guidance counselor's office, etc., etc...A real devil's delinquent, ain'tcha? I wonder why they hired you to be the hero of this story..."

"Heh...I _am_ quite charming, y'know."

"Oh, I know! They must've been desperate!" Botan cheerfully concluded, shutting her book. Yusuke gave her a death glare. "Uhh...why don't we go see the little boy you rescued?"

"Like I _care..."_

"Let's go see, why don't we?" she continued, oblivious to Yusuke's previous comment.

After getting lost 7 times and asking directions from a squirrel, cat, and baby koala, Yusuke and Botan finally made it to the general hospital, where they saw the kid with his mom and the doctor. The little boy had about 10 band-aids on his finger.

"...your child is okay, ma'am," the doctor was saying. "We managed to stitch his little paper cut and the few scratches that he got when his ball hit him on the head."

"Oh, that's such a _relief!"_ the kid's mother said. "That ball is a hazard! It could've given him a concussion!" The doctor nodded, smiling. "But what about the boy who saved him?"

"Well, we finally found out after a thorough investigation; he got run over by a car!" the doctor answered.

"...Wha-what?!" the mom said, shocked. "Run over by a car?!"

"Yup, smacked hard by a car and got killed dead!" the doctor replied cheerfully. The mother just stood there in shock.

"Y-you mean...he _died_ to save Masaru...?"

"That's the gist of it."

"Phew!" the mother said, sighing with relief. "I thought it was something serious!"

Yusuke and Botan looked at each other. "Okay then..." Yusuke said, "the dumb kid lives, and I got killed. That's _so_ fair," he added sarcastically.

"..."

"Well," Yusuke said after a moment's thought, "I guess I'm as good as dead anyways. Botan, was it? Might as well take me to hell...where I'll be waiting for that stupid little bastard who got to survive while I got killed..."

Botan looked at him for a moment and burst out laughing.

– _**Several hours later... –**_

"What the hell is so funny?!" Yusuke finally asked.

"You idiot!" Botan snickered as she whacked him on the head with her oar. "You've got the wrong idea! I'm not here to take you _anywhere."_

"...Well, that totally defeats _your_ purpose in the story."

"I've got a different purpose in your case. I'm here to see if _you're_ interested in taking the test to return to life!"

"Test...? Come back...to _life_...?"

Now it was Yusuke's turn to laugh.

– _**Several hours later... –**_

"What the hell is so funny?!" Botan finally asked.

"I thought..." Yusuke began after he regained control, "I thought...you said 'come back to life.' That was a good one, Botan!"

"But I'm serious!" the ferrywoman whined. "Your death was unexpected down in the underworld! Not even the great Buddha had any idea _you_ would risk your life to save a kid, so there's no place for you yet in heaven or hell!"

"So...what you're trying to say is..." Yusuke said after a moment of digesting Botan's explanation, "that there's no frickin' _place_ for me?!" Then he started losing it. "Then what the bloody hell did I die for if my death wasn't in your schedule?!"

"Well, I didn't wanna tell you yet, since it would both bum you out and hurt your brain," Botan told him as she pulled out her grade book, "but that kid would've given that car the right-of-way if you didn't rush to save him, and he would've 'miraculously' survived the _empty freeway_ without a _scratch!"_ She tried to put as much emphasis on the important words Yusuke probably wouldn't understand.

"'Without...a scratch...'" Yusuke repeated, trying his best to follow.

"Yup, that kid's mom told him not to cross streets without looking both ways for cars, unlike _your_ mom," Botan said. "So, as much as I _'hate'_ to say this...your death was totally..._POINTLESS!"_

"...'Pointless'..." Yusuke repeated. Word blocks spelling P-O-I-N-T-L-E-S-S dropped on his head, but he didn't seem to notice. "...'Pointless' she says..." Then he realized what Botan just said and saw the word blocks balancing on his head. "MY DEATH WAS _POINTLESS?!?!"_

"Yeah, it must really suck to be you!" the blue-haired girl said cheerfully. "Instead of no one getting hurt, the kid somehow gets a few scrapes and a paper cut while you _DIE!_ Nice work, _MORON!!"_ She whacked him on the head with her grade book along with the big word blocks spelling M-O-R-O-N, D-E-A-T-H, and P-O-I-N-T-L-E-S-S that dropped on his head.

Yusuke tried to regain his balance as he brushed off the blocks. "Why...why you...!" he said, almost punching Botan.

"Now, calm down!" Botan said, trying to save her life. "Death isn't always permanent! Not in _your_ case anyway. You can take the test, if you think you're good enough."

"..." Yusuke put his fist back down.

"I'm told this sorta thing crops up now and then, about every 100 years or so on average," she continued. "To tell the truth, I've never really heard of it. My boss just told me that you'd be use – I mean, you'd like it." She sweatdropped. "Anyways, you won't rest in peace in your current state, that's for sure."

"..."

"I can't say what the test is, but you have nothing to lose by taking it. It's not a bad deal, if you think about it."

"...Nng...naw, I'll pass."

"Oka...SAY WHAT?!"

"I really can't see anything wrong with being a ghost," Yusuke said. He turned into cat mode. "Hey, think of all the _naked chics_ I get to see!" Botan whacked him (for the third time mentioned) on the head with her oar, turning him back into normal. "Ow! I'm serious! What would I amount to if I came back to life anyways?!"

"...Gee..." Botan said after thinking a while. "Well, you _are_ pretty hopeless..."

"No one I know is gonna miss me...They'd only curse their luck if I...revived." Yusuke tried to make the moment tense. "My mom's young...just 29."

"So she was 15 when she had you?"

"Yup, and if..."

"Wow! Didn't anyone tell her that abstinence was the answer?"

"I'm talkin' here!" Yusuke said angrily, hitting her on the head. "Anyways, as I was saying, if I weren't around, she _might_ stand a chance of finding a decent man."

"She still is your mother, Yusuke," Botan said thoughtfully. "You might've inherited your hopelessness from her..."

"SHADDUP!"

"So fatalistic...and you're only 6?"

"I'm 14, smartass!"

"Oh...well, you don't have to decide right away." Botan began to rise.

"Wait, Botan! You're not dying, are you?!" Yusuke asked frantically. "DON'T LOOK INTO THE LIGHT, BOTAN!!! BOTAN!!!"

"I'm not dying, wise guy!" Botan shouted. "I'm just leaving for a while! Think about it while you attend your wake! You can give me your answer afterward!" Then she disappeared in a flash of light.

"..."

And so...let us fast-forward to Yusuke's wake.

– _**At Yusuke's Wake... –**_

There were lots of bright neon lights flashing from the Urameshi residence. Inside, there was a lot of loud music, beer, sweets, and partying. Atsuko Urameshi was singing karaoke.

"...I don't know how I got this way, I'll never be alright, so I'm breaking the habit...I'm breaking the habit...I'm breaking the habit, tonight!" (**A/N:** I don't own these lyrics, Linkin Park does.)

After that last note, Atsuko collapsed right next to Yusuke's coffin. She looked at Yusuke's crappy portrait and laughed.

"Dude, he looks so stoned!" she shrieked as she took a big ol' swig of her beer. Then she dropped the bottle and fell next to Yusuke's coffin, now hysterical. "Yusuke, why don't ya get outta there and join the party?! There's lotsa beer...your favorite brand!!"

"I think he's dead, Atsuko," Keiko said, helping the poor woman on booze back up on her feet. Suddenly, all the partying stopped.

"Urameshi's dead...?" the guests murmured. "I thought it was his birthday...!"

"Yusuke...dead...?" Atsuko stopped acting high-ish and stared into space.

Yusuke watched as they quickly shoved all the party things away (but kept all the "good" stuff out) and miraculously stuffed it all into a closet. Yusuke shook his head and noticed some students laughing. _"What the...I'm dead and they're _laughing?!' he thought. _'Oh, that's right...they must be high._' Then he saw Keiko leave the house, crying. _'Keiko...'_

"I can't believe I took a sip of alcohol and had a small puff of a cigarette!!" Keiko sobbed. "Now my record's ruined!" Yusuke anime fainted.

"Yup, that's Keiko!" he said to himself.

"Man, you took too much of that beer! Your judgment's impaired!" a voice yelled.

"I don't care! Lemme go!" another voice shouted.

"I know that voice..." Yusuke muttered. He turned and saw...who do ya think? "KUWABARA?!?! Who the hell invited _him_ to _my_ wake?!"

"Damn you, Urameshi!" Kuwabara screamed. "You think dyin' _squares_ us?!"

"Geez, Kuwabara, you're drunk again!" Ohkubo snapped.

"I'm the one supposed to put you down, y'hear me?!" Kuwabara continued. "Now, get yer bloody corpse outta that coffin and fight...me...nng..." Kuwabara fainted, and his gang quickly scurried off with him.

"Talk about issues..." Yusuke muttered.

"Who were they?" Iwamoto asked, taking a huge drag off a joint.

"Apparently, Urameshi used to hang out with some of them," Akashi replied, exhaling smoke from his huge nostrils. "Bunch o' thugs, 'course."

"Of course," Iwamoto agreed, exhaling smoke as well. "Their kind don't respect _anything."_ He took a sip of beer. "Well, at least Urameshi died doing a good deed. That actually improves our school's reputation, even if the teachers get high as well as the students."

"Personally, I think he _chased_ the kid out into the street and just happened to get in the way of the car," Akashi said, burping and tossing away his empty beer can.

"Heh...more than likely," Iwamoto replied, finishing his beer.

"YOU DAMN PAIR OF MOTHER-&$ERS!!" Yusuke shouted. "TWISTIN' THINGS 'ROUND LIKE THAT!!!"

Something big and scary reached out and grabbed the two stoned teachers' shoulders. They turned and (GASP) saw Takenaka glaring at them. Then he smiled and said in the sweetest voice, "Let's get another beer!"

"Takenaka...!" Yusuke growled as the three teachers went to the refreshments table.

Takenaka then walked over and bowed to Atsuko. Then he turned to Yusuke's coffin. "Yusuke, I was surprised when I heard you saved that kid. _You,_ of all people..." He shuddered for a moment. "...Oh well, time for another beer!" Yusuke anime fainted as he got up and rejoined Iwamoto and Akashi in the refreshments table.

"Yusuke...dead...?" Atsuko repeated, still staring ahead of her. Then her head dropped to her knees and began snoring.

"..." Yusuke took a good close look at everyone in the wake and remembered their faces. Gee, I wonder why...

Presently, Masaru and his mother (who was covering his eyes and ears) arrived. "Pay your respects to the nice boy..." his mom told him.

"Okay. Hi Yusuke!" Masaru greeted. "Thanks for saving me!"

"Damn right, you little son of a &$!" Yusuke growled. "I died for no damn reason!"

As they were leaving, Masaru asked his mother, "Mommy? Why was the boy inside the box? Was he sleeping?"

"Uhh...he was _stoned,_ honey."

"Mommy, we should come back when he's _out_ of the box!" Masaru said happily, thinking it was a smart thing to say. "That way, we can be 'stoned' together!" His mother just looked at him shocked.

Yusuke watched them. Then he laughed hysterically. "Hey, Botan!" he called out.

Botan appeared behind him. "BOO!"

"YIIIIIIIIIIIIKESS!!!" Yusuke shouted and whacked her.

"Okay, what do you want?" Botan asked.

"Everyone is either happy about my death, or is just too stoned to care," Yusuke replied.

"Oh, so I guess you were wrong," Botan said.

"...That's why...I'll take this test!"

"...?!"

"I'll take it out of spite of everyone!!" Yusuke continued, encouraged by Botan's speechlessness. "That way, I can beat the holy crap outta everyone who came to my wake!!"

Botan anime fainted.

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**A/N:** So ends this chapter. Coming up next: "The Test!" (hands out sweets to reviewers) Please review this chapter too! It was uber-long just for you!! Seriously, my fingers are killing me...


	4. The Test

**Baka Hakusho**

**By Lazy Kitsune**

**Summary:** This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means "Idiot Report".)

**A/N:** Is it just me or am I losing readers? Well, it _is_ a slow story...it's based on the manga after all...oh well, I'll try to hurry it up, but I have soooo much more to make fun of from the first two volumes of the manga.

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**Chapter 4 – The Test!**

When we last left Yusuke, he had just attended his wake. After swearing not to harm the people who attended it (with his fingers crossed behind his back), Botan finally agreed to take him to her boss for the test for resurrection. But, of course, every ride had a fee, and if the driver said otherwise, then he's a liar. Botan was no exception.

"...so then I said, 'I'm allergic to turkey, but not ham!'" the ferry girl laughed.

"Uh-huh, why did I ask for this again?" Yusuke muttered.

"Because! You wanted to take the test for resurrection!"

"No, I meant why did I ask for a ride from _you?"_

"You need to meet the person who's going to explain the test," Botan replied after whacking Yusuke on the head with her oar. "That's why I'm taking you on this little road trip. Besides, he wants to talk to you."

"Oh, _that's_ why," Yusuke said thoughtfully. "Are you insured though, Botan?"

"Yes."

"By Survival?"

"...No."

"Well, tell him to call me or beep me if he wants to reach me, 'cause there's no way I'm gonna take this ride, girlfriend." (**A/N:** I don't own those quotes!) Yusuke snapped his fingers at her. "Who the hell does he think he is, anyway? If he wants to talk to me, he can haul himself over here."

"Last time I checked, he said he was _King Enma, Lord of Hell,"_ Botan said as thunder clapped in the background.

"Oh, I see." Yusuke twiddled his thumbs for a while before shouting out, "WHAT?!"

"Now, you have to play nicely with him, or else it's flames for you, just like what this terrible author deserves." Botan's oar randomly whacked her head.

"I'm too young to be burned alive!" Yusuke cried as he tried to run away.

"You were also too young to _die,_ stupid!" Botan snapped, grabbing hold of his collar. "And look what happened!"

"You don't have to yell..." Yusuke whimpered.

So the two...er..._spirits_ kept floating around on the oar. After 3 days of random floating, they saw a large mass of cloud.

"What the hell..." Yusuke began.

"There's the entrance!" Botan announced. "Fasten your seatbelt, Yusuke!"

"Wha – ?!"

Suddenly, everything turned into bright light, you know, like in Star Wars when they went on "light speed"? (**A/N:** Don't own that either) Yeah, it was kinda like that, only they were riding on an oar, and Yusuke didn't have a seatbelt to fasten, so he held on for dear life (is that appropriate for Yusuke?) as they sped on.

"Just a couple more seconds..." Botan muttered, after being fined by the light speed police for speeding 20 times. Then there was a sound that went "fwink!" and they were in a whole different dimension.

"Yeow, it's HUGE!" Yusuke exclaimed, pointing at a large spaceship that loomed ahead of them.

"Hmm...I shoulda taken a left at Albuquerque then gone straight till New York..." Botan murmured. "Guess we gotta go back, Yusuke, hang on!"

"Not again..."

So they went to travel back in light speed. After arriving in 17 different locations, Botan _finally_ remembered the way to Spirit World and brought Yusuke there.

"Yeow, it's huge," Yusuke said, tired and bored of saying that phrase by now. "Are we finally at River Styx?"

"Yup! It's the one and only!" Botan replied cheerfully, since she has no limit of energy. "Oh! If you look to your left, there's Hades' lair! And look, there's the Gate of Judgment!" She pointed ahead.

"Okay, you can stop playing tour guide now," Yusuke said when they finally reached the front of the Gate of Judgment.

"It's Botan, we're coming in!" She turned to Yusuke. "Aren't you impressed with how big it is?"

"Not really," Yusuke replied. He was thinking of other matters, like how could he, a junior high punk, beat the King of Hell in a fight. (What an idiot.)

"Botan here," Botan said to a speaker. "I've brought Yusuke Urameshi."

"Ah, ding-dang-finally," a voice replied from the speaker. "Come on in." (**A/N:** I don't own that kind of speech. And no, it's not Ned Flanders on the other side.)

There was a beep, and the doors rumbled open to reveal...dun dun dun...a bunch of ogres on duty.

"What the hell?!" Yusuke shouted. "What is this, a stock exchange?!"

"Quite a diddly-doo-dang-sight, eh?" a little high voice said from the ground.

"Huh?"

"Oh! Your Majesty!" Botan cried.

"Howdy-diddly-doo," a little baby about a quarter of Yusuke's height greeted. "Make yourselves at diddly-home." He took a seat on a comfy-looking chair behind a large desk piled with paper. "Phew! All this crap-a-diddly-doo's got us working 24-7!"

"This is Yusuke Urameshi, sire!" Botan stated, suddenly acting like a boot camp student.

"He's Enma...?" Yusuke muttered. Then he burst out laughing. "Oh man! You've gotta be _kidding!"_ He fell on the ground laughing.

Botan kicked him in the nuts. (Ouch!) "What are you laughing about, moron?!"

Yusuke glared as he painfully tried to get up. "That _shrimpboat_ is Enma?!" he exclaimed, staggering a little. "I was really freakin' out, and _this_ is all there is to him?!"

The baby glared and said, "I'm King Enma, _JR._, fool, though some so-called dang-diddly-wits call me Koenma. You should also diddly-know I'm 50 times diddly-doo-da-older than you if I'm a day, so don't get uppity-diddly-doo."

"Looks like you're barely out of diapers," Yusuke snickered. Botan kicked him in the nuts again. "OW!"

"Okay, we don't have all diddly-doo-dang-day, so I'll get to the dang-diddly-point," Koenma said. "Yusuke Urameshi, the doo-diddly-dang-test you must diddly-face is...THIS!" He thrust out his hand, revealing an egg. "You must safely diddly-hatch this egg and raise the diddly-doo-hatchling!"

"...What kind of egg is it?" Yusuke asked.

"That of a diddly-dang-_beast_ of the _Spirit World_," Koenma replied in a menacing voice. "Diddly."

Suddenly, a small crack appeared on the surface of the egg. Koenma shrieked and tossed the egg like a hot potato to Botan, who in turn shrieked and tossed it to Yusuke. Yusuke also shrieked and tossed it back to Koenma, and by that time, a little beast emerged from the shell. It was...a little chick.

"Well, I'll be diddly-doo-dang-da!" Koenma exclaimed, wiping his brow. "It was a dang-diddly-chicken egg! Diddly!"

"Well then, do I still have to take a test?" Yusuke asked.

"You're dang-diddly-right you have to!" Koenma snapped, pulling out another egg.

14 chicken eggs and 2 duck eggs later, Yusuke and Botan were back in the Human World, floating around randomly. Again. Yusuke held an egg. Yes, the right one, finally.

"So, the day this thing grows up, I return to life?" Yusuke asked.

"I guess," Botan answered.

"I don't get it. How's that a test?"

"..." Botan flashed back to what Koenma told her.

– **_Flashback –_**

"This is ding-dang-strictly between you and me, Botan," Koenma said. "That egg is the dang-diddly-last one I have."

"So what is it?" Botan asked.

"...I have no diddly-idea," Koenma replied. Botan anime fainted. "But we'll ding-dang-diddly-learn if that diddly-dang-idiot Yusuke ever hatches it. It better not be a dang-diddly-blue penguin egg I gave him."

– _**End of Flashback –**_

_'We'll see what happens...'_ Botan thought.

"Omigod!" Yusuke screamed. "I just _realized!_ I nobody knows my heart's beating again...they'll go ahead and _cremate_ my body tomorrow!"

"So?"

"So! I gotta tell someone living! Is that possible?"

"Maybe..."

"Botan!!"

"Okay, just enter their dreams."

– _**Yusuke's House –**_

"YUSUKE, YOU IDIOT!!" Atsuko screamed angrily. "YOU DIE AND YOU DON'T TELL YOUR MOTHER?! I'D KILL YOU MYSELF IF YOU WEREN'T DEAD!!!"

"No good," Yusuke sighed. "She's drunk and just realized I'm dead."

"Some mom..." Botan commented. "No wonder you turned out the way you did."

"Shaddup! Anyway, I think Keiko is my only shot..."

"Yusuke and Keiko sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!" Botan sang.

Yusuke knocked her out before entering Keiko's room. Stealth music played in the background, you know, like the one on the old cartoon Pink Panther.

"Hmm," Yusuke said as he surveyed Keiko's room. "It's gotten pretty cutesy since the last time I was here." As he looked around, he spotted Keiko's Sailor Moon collection (**A/N: **Wow, I don't own a lot of stuff). "OMIGOD!! Sailor Mercury!!" He glided to a Sailor Mercury doll. "I love Sailor Mercury!"

Keiko let out a sigh, making Yusuke turn from his beloved Sailor Mercury and look at her. She was...

"CRYING?!" Yusuke cried out, moving quickly to her side. "Wow, she really is crying!!" Yusuke then heard voices.

_"Just die why don't you?"_

"Is that Keiko?"

_"I'm so sorry..."_

Yusuke laughed bitterly. "Moron!" He took a seat right on top of her, causing her to groan. "Listen up! Your words didn't kill me, a car and bad driving did! My soul's got some crap to do in the afterlife, but I'll be back after it. If you need proof, open the casket and listen to my heart!" Keiko groaned again. "And tell my stupid mom to stop drinking, okay?" There was an awkward silence. "So...get a grip. I don't want to see you...like this..."

"Awww!" Botan sighed in content. "How cute!!"

Yusuke glared and chased her off. Then he came back and quickly dried Keiko's tears before chasing after Botan again.

"Yusuke?!" Keiko cried out. She felt her face. "My tears...wiped away...It wasn't a dream!" Keiko scrambled out of bed and ran over to the Urameshi residence. "Atsuko, open up! It's me!" she banged on the door. "Please, Atsuko, open the do –!" The door opened and Keiko fell on her face.

"Kei...ko?" Atsuko asked, trying to remember the teenage girl.

"Atsuko, you won't believe this!" Keiko exclaimed, getting up. "Yusuke came...I mean, I saw...!"

"Yusuke..." Atsuko repeated. Then something lit up in her head. "Yusuke!"

"What's wrong?"

"I don't...I mean, I opened the casket, to kick his balls one last time...and his face...it was rosy...His heart...I heard it beating...Yusuke is _alive!_ That moronic, idiotic, pain in the ass..." Atsuko began crying hysterically. "MY BOY IS ALIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!!!!!"

Just then, neighbors began coming out of their houses to yell at Atsuko to keep it down. Yusuke and Botan were watching the commotion.

"...Hmph..." Yusuke said after a while.

"What?" Botan asked.

"I'm alive and they're actually glad..." he said, thinking hard. "I don't believe it!" They floated around for a while. "Y'know, it might be funny if the egg turned out to be a blue penguin and I actually pass for that."

Botan laughed. "Yeah, that'd be real funny!"

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**A/N:** Whew, finally done. Sorry I took so long to write this one up, I've been having hell lately...Oh, and credits to my sis for giving me the idea for Koenma's...er...gibberish. Please review!!


	5. Yusuke’s Last Visit Boohoo

**Baka Hakusho**

**By Lazy Kitsune**

**Summary:** This is a parody of the manga. Yusuke Urameshi was just another teen punk with a messed up life...until he messed it up even more by dying, which lead him to being the Spirit Detective of the Underworld. (The title means "Idiot Report".)

**A/N:** Thanks for reviewing! Sorry this took so long to get out...I lent my YYH Vol. 1 to some of my friends. The rating went up to Pg-13. Yusuke is too violent, what was I thinking making it a PG story with _him_ as the protagonist!...Oh well, enjoy!

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**Chapter 5 – Yusuke's Last Visit...Boo-hoo**

When we last left off, the Spirit World had granted our, er..._"hero"_ Yusuke the chance to come back to life (smart idea), and now his soulless body sleeps, protected by his drunken mother and goody-goody friend Keiko, who found that his heart was beating again. The two women were watching his body.

"He looks like he's asleep," Atsuko said for the tenth time that day.

"I know, Atsuko, I know," Keiko said exasperated. "That's the tenth time you've said that today!"

"Hey, hey, let's put leeks up his nose!" Atsuko giggled like a schoolgirl. (**A/N: **I don't own that quote)

Keiko massaged her temples. "Is Yusuke worth this trouble...?" she asked herself. "I don't know anymore..."

– _**Outside the Urameshi Residence –**_

"What's this!" Yusuke shouted angrily. "I take precious time off my schedule to talk to her personally, and she ends up _doubtful!_ I'm working with fools here!"

"Why don't you talk to her again?" Botan asked.

"Yeah, I'll do that!" Yusuke agreed. "I can take some time off..."

"How sweet!" the blue haired ferry girl chirped. "Taking time off your daily floating to say your last words to Keiko!"

"Yeah...wait a minute!" Yusuke faced Botan angrily. "Did you just say 'last words'! And how dare you say floating is a waste of time!"

"I never said that! I love floating!"

"Yeah, well, you _meant_ it!"

_"Anyways,_ today is your last chance to talk to them."

Yusuke thought about those words for a moment as he tried to draw a conclusion from them. "Hey, up yours! You mean I'm gonna _die_ after all!" he shouted angrily, grabbing Botan by the collar.

"I never said that!" Botan yelled.

"Yeah, well, you _meant_ it!"

"Oy, I think we've been through this road before..." Botan muttered. "Look, Yusuke, this might be a little too much for you to comprehend, but try to pay attention!" She took a deep breath before launching into a speech. "You just can't talk to them until you come back to life! It's the _rules."_

"Rules!" the teen punk cried out. "Dammit! Everywhere I go there's at least _one_ freakin' rule!"

"Well, that's life, buster!"

"This is the afterlife!"

"Whatever! Still has 'life' in it!" They had a glaring contest before Botan continued. "You can't communicate with people you're close to in the world of the living while you're taking the test, but that's not effective until tomorrow!"

"Okay, okay," Yusuke grumbled. "Do I go to her dream again, or what?"

"Borrow someone's body."

"Can it be Arnold Schwarzenegger?" he asked. "Oh! Maybe Keanu Reeves!"

"No..."

"How about Brittney Spears? Christina Aguilera? Shakira?"

"No!" Botan snapped. "It has to be..."

"Utada Hikaru? Orlando Bloom? Johnny Depp?"

"No celebrities!" Botan said. "Look, this is what the rules say –"

Yusuke rolled his eyes again. "Psh, the rules again?" he asked. "What is it this time?"

"It has to be someone with a strong sixth sense," Botan told him.

"...Haley Osment Jones may have one!"

"It has to be someone you know."

"Who comes up with these stupid rules!" Yusuke burst out. "That's it, when I find out who's writing this stupid crap, I'm gonna strangle him!"

"Uh...yeah...strangle him..." Botan said, hiding her book titled, _Rules of the Afterlife, by Botan._ "You go do that, Yusuke."

"Hmm...I wonder if I know anyone with a strong sixth sense..."

Kuwabara and his gang conveniently were walking just underneath where Yusuke and Botan were floating when Kuwabara suddenly shuddered and stopped.

"What's up, Kuwabara?" Ohkubo, the fat guy in his gang, asked him.

Kuwabara shuddered again. "...I feel a chill."

"You got a cold?" Ohkubo asked.

"Oh man, is it..._that_ again?" Sawamura, the guy with the shaved-like haircut asked.

"Yeah..." Kuwabara replied. "Nothing good ever happens when I feel like this. Like I saw the wasp hive and got stung 1,000 times, or got frozen in the summer, or was chased by a gay grisly ghost..."

"Hey, that's almost poetic," Kirishima, the most decent-looking guy in Kuwabara's gang, told him.

"...Oh, so that's what was going on that one time!" Ohkubo said. "...I don't get it."

"Kuwabara has this really fierce sixth sense, man," Sawamura explained.

"You serious!"

"No," he replied. "That's was he told me, but I don't buy it."

Ohkubo wiped his brow. "Man, you had me going there for a sec!" he said. "I'd thought you're both crazy!"

"Too much," Yusuke said. "This is WAY too much. Maybe too much for too much. Mucho mucho."

"What the hell are you mumbling about?" Botan asked him, hitting him with her oar.

"I feel one behind me right now..." Kuwabara said. "Probably the spirit of a lower life form, mebbe an ant or a pig."

"Say what!" Yusuke shouted, trying to hit Kuwabara. He turned to Botan. "You've gotta be kidding! PLEASE tell me I don't have to take over this moron's body!"

"You don't have to take over that moron's body," Botan said.

"Thanks, now does Brad Pitt have a sixth sense...?"

"You haven't heard a word I've said!" Botan yelled, hitting him with her oar. "Now are you gonna go for it!"

Suddenly, Kuwabara zoned out. "Guuuh..." he said.

His gang looked at him. "Kuwabara? Are you there? Heeeelloooo...?"

Botan turned to Yusuke. "Okay, you can go in now. You have only 30 minutes though. That's as long as his body can take it."

"I always knew he was a weakling..." Yusuke said. Botan grabbed a hold of his collar and tossed him towards Kuwabara at a speed of 30 miles per hour. "YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!"

There was a little "neeoom" sound as Yusuke was hurled into Kuwabara's body. Now we need a little name combination for the combining of Yusuke's soul into Kuwabara's body...Kuwasuke! Kuwasuke looked around and his gang became relieved.

"I think he's back," Ohkubo said.

Kuwasuke, finally sure that he had control, bolted off, ignoring his gang's cries of, "Hey, Kuwabara!" Tsk, tsk, tsk...poor fools.

_'She oughta be home by now!_' Kuwasuke thought to himself as he burst into a little building called "Yukimura Diner". "Mr. and Mrs. Yukimura!" he shouted. "Is Keiko here!"

Keiko's ugly parents stared at him. "...Who are you?" the asked.

Kuwasuke, being stupid since he still is talking with Yusuke's brain, replied, "Please, I'm in a hurry. Is Keiko here!"

"No...she's out shopping," Mrs. Yukimura answered.

"Are you a friend from school?" Mr. Yukimura asked.

Now, for the dumbest thing he coulda said: "Yes, Yusuke Urameshi! Which store is she at!"

"Wha..." The two chefs glared at him and raised their butcher knives at Kuwasuke. "Hold it! You greasy thug!"

"Uh...Whu?" our foolish protagonist stammered.

Keiko's ugly, angry parents began chasing poor, stupid Kuwasuke. "Trying to fob your ugly self off as little Yusuke! That boy's passed from this world! And you have the gall to play such an insensitive trick!" Yes, their anger still confuses people today.

"Hoo boy!" Kuwasuke panted, running for his life. "Please, Mr. and Mrs. Yukimura! It's not what you think!" A butcher knife narrowly missed his head. "Damn! Like I have the time to explain!" He stopped running maybe when he got to the other side of the town. "Sheesh...Am I gonna have to search every store?"

"Well, lookie here," a male voice said. "You're Kuwabara from Sarayashiki Jr. High, ain'tcha?"

"We hear you've been raising a lotta hell lately," another guy said.

"You jerk!" Kuwasuke shouted. "I'm not Kuwabara! I never wanted to be him!"

"Who does?" the guy said. "He's big, and ugly, and he has scary hair."

"Right, now get outta my way!" Kuwasuke punched out all the guys, even though they didn't try to start a fight with him.

Despite the knowledge that he only had a limited time to be walking on the face of the Earth, Kuwasuke started 30 more fights, helped extort some marijuana (and smoked some in the process), and drank 2 cans of beer before finally realizing that he had less than 10 minutes left. Luckily, though, he ran into Keiko. Yes, that's very lucky.

"K-Keiko!" But, him _still_ thinking like Yusuke (and being under the influence of alcohol), Kuwasuke didn't know what to do to let her know it's him. So he did the first thing that came to his mind: he grabbed her boobs and shouted, "GUESS WHO!"

Keiko got pissed off and slapped him. (Ouch!) "YUSUKE, YOU PERVERT!" Kuwasuke got knocked out for a whole minute, still wasting time he really shouldn't be. "Huh?" Keiko said, seeing that it wasn't Yusuke. "That wasn't...?"

"No, no," Kuwasuke said, finally regaining consciousness. "It's me all right...Keiko...I am your father."

_"What!"_

"I mean...I'm Yusuke."

"Oh."

"Man, I knew I shouldn't have smoked all that weed...I'm seeing double again."

Keiko looked at him for a moment before bursting into tears. "You grabbed my tits, you said something stupid, and you smoked weed!" She hugged him. "You _are_ Yusuke!" Then she slapped him hard again. "What the hell do you want!"

"Okay, I don't got a lot of time to explain, but I have to leave this body," Kuwasuke explained. "After that, and until my soul returns to my own body, I can't talk to anyone I'm close to."

"That means you just can't talk to me or Atsuko, since we're the only people you're close to," Keiko said after a quick calculation.

"Right, I just came...because I wanted you to know..." Kuwasuke paused for effect, which made Keiko slap him again. "...Okay, okay...I _will_ come back." He grinned to reveal several teeth missing because of the fights. "That's a promise, so wait for me."

"Eww..." Keiko said, trying not to barf. "The teeth took away what little effect you had, Yusuke, but..." She started to hug him, but stopped and waved instead. "...Wait...Yes, I'll wait...I'll always...wait for you..." She stopped waving to put eye drops on her eyes so she could cry.

"Yusuke and Keiko, sitting on a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Botan sang as Kuwasuke had broken up and the ghost went back to floating around as plain Yusuke. Yusuke punched her, knocking her out for a moment. When she came to, she said, "All done?"

"Hm? Yeah."

"Well, that's it then. The rest is up to you."

"I know."

"Hey, hey, they're having fireworks at Disneyland, wanna go?" Botan suggested.

"...Can we scare people in the Haunted Mansion?" Yusuke asked.

"Sure!"

"Hot damn, let's go!"

-

**A/N:** I know. That chapter wasn't that funny. Review, though, won'tcha?


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